Your Ultimate Bachelor Pad gets better and better.....

Jake Karls

Whether you share a crowded dorm with others or luxuriate in your own sophisticated digs, the same rules will be true -in your sanctuary, less is always more. It is better to under-accessorize, leaving room for Her to fantasize about putting her own stamp on it. Chicks love to do this. Remember the whole point of this make-over is to eventually make room for Her in your life. Jeez. Would you relax? I said "eventually", not right away. That said, there are a few areas that I am certain could use some slight improvement. Slight/major....why quibble? 

  1. Now that you have purchased your couch, you will need a "throw" (cosy blanket). It is an easy, inexpensive and useful accessory to buy and BONUS it encourages snuggling and isn't that what you are after? Also FYI, keepIng your apartment on the cool side promotes shivering, which then necessitates the sharing of body heat. Hehehe. Devious me. Which brings us to The Bedroom. (Yes, "All roads lead to Rome".)
  2. Crisp, white bed linens (sheets and duvet cover) lend a distinct hotel feel. And everyone knows that hotel sex is the best sex around, so....what're you waiting for? Don't stress over this. No Decision Fatigue for you. Buy only 100 % cotton sheets. (Polyester blends will make you sweat...uhh....without first working up a sweat.) For crisp sheets, look for a Percale weave, but if you prefer a silky, luxurious finish go for a Sateen finish. Thread count refers to the amount of threads per square inch - so the higher the count, the better. Numbers upwards of 200 are good and anything higher than 600 is not necessary and just showing off. I once owned a set of sheets with a 1000 thread count and I absolutely hated them. They were so thick and oppressively heavy that they actually hurt my toes. Truth. (Of course it is the truth! Can you imagine anyone making this shit up?). Lower End (more affordable) or Higher End Linens.
  3. New bed pillows. Just get them. Guy, I don't even want to think about where yours have been - not to mention the dust mites. But hey, don't just listen to me - doctors recommend changing your pillows at least every year. (More often if you suffer from allergies). Pillows, just like your gym shoes, wear out! Ummm, HOW long have you had these pillows??? Omg. It is time. Tip: When you are shopping, look for  "Down Alternative". They feel just as good as feather pillows and are non-allergic. Some people enjoy memory foam pillows too. Either way, did you know we spend one third of our life sleeping? Crazy, huh? Your bed is your haven, your refuge, ....and also your playground. So go ahead. You can and should splurge on this.
  4. Fluffy, white towels in all sizes. Get a generous amount of them and display them, neatly folded, hotel style in your clean bathroom. Yes humongous "bath sheets" certainly are luxurious, but remember you will have to wash and dry those suckers.Do you know how much those massive towels weigh when wet and how long they will be tumbling around like thunder in that dryer? F-O-R-E-V-E-R. You will need to shave again before they are finally dry! Oh, and by the way, would you please just shave anyway? No girl enjoys beard burn when she kisses you. Yes, yes. I know that whole scruffy, designer stubble look had a moment, but that was so 2011. (Exception: If your name is David Beckham, my apologies. Do carry on.) Look, David Beckham is David Beckham and he can pull off anything. If he decided to wear pink tights and ballet slippers it would be so freakin' HOT and start a trend...) But for the rest of you "everyday normal guys"- NEWSFLASH that 3 day beard look is really hard to calculate mathematically and just ends up looking cool only one day a week. The rest of the time you are just a "work in progress." And I know you can be so much more than that! Oops! Sorry for the detour and the rant. Sometimes I digress. 

5. Lighting is a Biggie. Nobody, but nobody looks good with overhead ceiling lighting. Not even movie stars. So please leave the harsh lighting for big box stores, operating rooms and indoor swimming pools. What you need my friend, is ambient lighting achieved with table lamps and candles. No, I am not suggesting the lava lamp you had in junior high. I think we can do better than that. For bedside lamps and lighting up your workspace you need some serious wattage (150 is ideal). Best case scenario is finding a lamp that accommodates a 3-way bulb, with a switch. This enables you to dial it down as needed from highest voltage (All Business) to medium setting (chillaxin') to the lowest setting (good for Monkey Business). 

6. Speaking of Monkey Business, now would be a good time to turn on the music. Tune surf until your playlist is complete. Music is calming. It sets the mood, "soothes the savage beast" and it shows off your good taste. You got this! Now get to work. 




Older Post Newer Post