So what am I doing wrong?
Excellent question. If you think about all the bizarre things that count as fashionable these days, its hard to know how to dress. Everybody wants to be daring, and everybody wants to be different. After all, Kendall Jenner wore a garbage bag down the runway and created world peace with a Pepsi. Sadly, we can't all be Kendall. But you can be the most fashionable version of yourself by keeping these simple things off of your body at all times. Here are a few fundamental tips to keep in mind.
1. Graphic tees and cargo shorts
It's ok. We were all angst-ridden teens once. And we all had those super awesome dope tees with a rad design that was just "so you". Paired with one of the hundred pairs of cargo shorts your mom bought you at Winners, you were a certified baller. Wait... what's that? Is that the sound of crickets coming from your MSN messenger? It's a shame not a single girl in middle-school thought that look was hot, but now that they're all grown up... THEY STILL F*&%@ING DON'T. If you have any dignity, don't hide it in your cargo pockets. Wear a normal cotton tee, and a normal pair of shorts to go with it. God bless you.
2. Tie with a short-sleeved button-down
While I detest the very existence of short-sleeved button-downs all together, they could be worse. By adding a tie. *sigh*. Gentlemen, don't add insult to injury when it comes to your sense of style. Unless you drive a city bus or walk door-to-door selling Jesus themed stuff, please refrain from this abhorrent pairing. Enough said.
3. Mixing patterns is not fashion
There are definitely exceptions to this rule. If your life aspirations include becoming a gimmicky rapper or a bag lady, then ignore this tip altogether. But, if you want to project seriousness and class, try not to cross patterns. Your paisley scarf may be lovely, but your striped long-sleeve would look even lovelier paired with solid colours. This rule is a touch more flexible when it comes to shoes, just don't push it.
4. Bad size mismatching
That's a mouthful. But when it comes to mixing big and small, unless you are content with being viewed as a fashion-challenged man-child, I'd recommend against sporting a tight top with loose pants. The far more acceptable route to go is rocking a loose top with tighter/ formfitting bottoms. Don't ask why. We don't make the rules, we just play by them.
5. Undershirts anywhere other than... under your shirt
Honestly... this part doesn't even merit a lengthy explanation. Just don't do it, ok?
6. The wrong sunglasses
This is tricky. Sunglasses are just one of those accessories that speak to you on an unconscious but very powerful level. They are the salsa of your face, and sometimes, you just find a pair that you think looks damn good on you. And sometimes you are totally wrong. It's all in the shape of your face. Typically, a good rule to follow is to match a wide face with wide glasses, and vice versa. I always recommend bringing a friend along to give a second opinion when buying shades. If you have no friends to bring sunglass shopping, then I would suggest buying ones with the largest possible lenses. Anything to hide your tears, really.
7. Any kind of technology on your ear or belt
These days, all the technology you could ever need is made readily accessible from your phone and your wrist. Even your dad doesn't wear a mobile ear piece and a belt pager anymore. That should be a sign. Leave the tacky tech-trends in 2006 where they rightfully belong.
8. Too much cologne
Cologne is a beautiful accent to top off any man's style. It engages the senses. However, there is a fine line between tasteful and tasteless when it comes to volume. Too much cologne can be a morning mistake that will haunt you for the duration of your entire day. So, please, use the magic nose juice sparingly. Your company will thank you for it.
Stay posted for more great articles, gentlemen! As always, respect the chase.